Thursday, June 2, 2011

You're Gonna Miss This..

I was talking to a friend that I've become close to while on this trip to England about random situations and circumstances: some of which I'm frustrated with, some of which I feel guilty about, and some that I will treasure for the rest of my life... and she said "You're such a good person." In the midst of my tears, all I could muster up in words was "Not half as good as the people I've been surrounded by."

The truth of that statement hit home hard... and though its difficult to write through the tears I've given up trying to dam, I need to elaborate. First and foremost, I am missing my brother graduate tomorrow. 
I'm currently in Oxford, England, on a trip I couldn't possibly re-create, but just happened to be a direct conflict with his graduation. Though we spent a considerable amount of time together before I left celebrating in our own way, I can't help but feel that part of my heart is still at home: where I should be. My brother and I have been through hell and back. Trust me, I can show you the vouchers. But through thick and thin, good and bad, and all the ups and downs, we had each other. I always knew I had him, and I hope he has always known he had me as well. Until now...
This is the only kind of graduation picture I'll have with him... and I regret that. It's moments like these where we really test the strength of our relationships... and when it hits you just how much those relationships mean. I know that we've worked this out and that he's okay, truth be told, we've made it through much worse, but I'm left to question how much I gave up by missing this moment. I should be there for him, like he was for me... but "should be's" don't make honey now do they..?

So... to my little brother...

Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

-Dr. Seuss 

I couldn't be more proud of the man he's become, I am a better person because of him, and I love him wholeheartedly.

Secondly, as for the people I'm surrounded by; milestones, either my own, or those of others, always make me stop to think about where I am in my life, how I got here, where I'm going, who got me here, and who I'm taking with me. I have been blessed with the opportunity to add so many people to that list this past year. That will have to be another blog for another day because its quickly approaching 1am here and I have an excruciatingly long day tomorrow... But for what its worth, if you're one of those people, past or present, I cannot express deep enough gratitude for the roles you have played in my life. 

If I am a 'good person' its because of the people I've been surrounded by. I fully believe that people come into your life for a reason, and you're a fool to think otherwise. With every new face brings new opportunity... to learn, to love, to grow, to share, to be uplifted, or to be humbled. Yes, sure, that comes with the risk of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and yes, sometimes doing so means that you're gonna get hurt, but pain is temporary... even scar tissue can be a story book. 

There are a lot of people that I should be there to support tomorrow night... My brother Ryan, and several of his friends, my friends, who have become family to me. It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that this is my best effort to support them from here, but I'll sleep soundly knowing that they already know just how much they mean to me. There are a handful of people in that graduating class, my brother, most prominently, who will eternally be in that list of people who changed my life and will serve as constant inspiration to me for as long as I'm living... 

Parting advice from one graduate to another, if they'll have it...
In the words of Trace Adkins-

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast.
These are some good times,
so take a good look around.
You may not know it now...
But you're gonna miss this.

I do. 
all my love and all the best,

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