Saturday, September 1, 2012

101 things I learned from Route 101


      The road from Tucsan, Arizona to Novato, California is long but so breathtakingly beautiful. A lot of that drive takes place on or near US Route 101, a road I found to be particularly loaded with inspiration. So, in an effort to give pause to the many things I learned along the way, here are 101 observations, lessons, experiences & thoughts that I gleaned on my journey from the East to the West.
1)     Desert Storms are simply indescribable.
2)     Juxtaposition is the 8th wonder of the world.
3)     Even if you only bloom for a day, it’s worth waiting for your whole life.
4)     Beauty is everywhere. Find it in everything and everyone – including yourself.
5)     The desert is a place of survival – any human could stand to learn a thing or two from the things that survive.
6)     Find a passion and pursue it wholeheartedly – inspired by a 12 year old tiny dancer. 
Photo by Stephanie Koehler
7)     Good people forgive accidents, really good people forgive accidentally dumping Dr. Pepper all over their entire house.
8)     Each of us has something to offer one another.
9)     Read the newspaper, but question everything you read.
10)  Drink coffee, for the love of God, drink coffee – and drink coffee with others.
11)  Initiate inquisitive small talk over coffee – you may find it to be more awakening than the caffeine it’s loaded with.
12)  Breathe deeply in the presence of good air. You need more oxygen than you think.
13)  Be flexible. 
14)  Appreciate your body. Treat it well. Push your limits, but accept your limitations.
15)  “Wear Sunscreen”: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ipcdXTx7DJE
16)  Eat at In and Out burger at least once in your life… more if possible.
17)  Seek out Whole Foods and eat better than you usually do when you’re able.
18)  Screw the box of chocolates: Life is like a bag of onions, so are people. You can’t see what’s inside unless you peel away the layers.
19)  Don’t be afraid of peeling said layers, especially your own.
20)  Wear your seatbelt. Life is a bumpy ride with lots of blind turns.
21)  Sometimes good people let you down, but sometimes, good people are actually great people.
22)  Appreciate the times in your life when you find yourself in really good company. “The world will give you that once in awhile, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where somebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life.” –The Secret Life of Bees
23)  Buy a map – figure out how to use it.
24)  Play in the sand, even if you aren’t dressed appropriately.
25)  Take time to smell the flowers – especially lavender.
26)  Shoot out of the sunroof – you really do miss 100% of the shots you never take.
27)  Always, always, always say thank you. Showing gratitude is so important.
28)  Cursive is a lost art form, embrace it.
29)  Observe with your ears.
30)  Learn with your eyes.
31)  Listen with your heart.
32)  Work with your hands – help with them too.
33)  Love with your soul.
34)  Live fearlessly – no regrets.
35)  Respect large bodies of water. 
36)  Cross bridges, but always look both ways…
37)  Stop for pedestrians, they’re going somewhere too.
38)  Pull up your pants, you don’t want to be put on someone’s team. ;)
39)  Do one thing every day that scares you.
40)  Greet new places with enthusiasm and release any expectations upon arrival.
41)  Turn off your screens at least once a day – while you’re sleeping doesn’t count.
42)  Be where you are when you’re there. Be present. 
43)  Thou shall not lament for where you are not.
44)  Sometimes you have to disengage to engage – let it go & let it be.
45)  Tides come and go – let them wash away what they came for.  
46)  Don’t apologize for re-charging your batteries.
47)  In order to be good to others you must first be good to yourself.
48)  Listen to new music and embrace it.
49)  At new restaurants, find something on the menu that looks vaguely familiar then take a risk.
50)  Give pause to tragedy other than your own. It breaks and binds us all. 
51)  Tell stories, but more importantly, listen to them.
52)  Preserve the relationships you have with good people – they will be your pillars.
53)  Take a lesson from the Redwoods. They grow in a circle. Stick together.
54)  Don’t criticize others, empathize. You have no idea what you would have done in their shoes, so don’t be a fool by trying to fool yourself.
55)  Be kind to animals.  
56)  Focus on the things that matter, forget the things that don’t.
57)  Always be prepared. You never know who you’re going to run into…
58)  If you have the ability to make someone else’s life easier, do it. Why wouldn’t you?
59)  Support local businesses.
60)  Appreciate genuinely good food.
61)  Eat food where it comes from whenever you can. 
62)  Take pictures. Lots of them. You can’t get the moment back, but you can look back fondly.
63)  Read the signs.
64)  Break stereotypes.
65)  Always carry cash.
66)  Work hard, play hard, party harder.
67)  Hand-write letters. It’s becoming such a rarity.
68)  You get what you pay for.
69)  Take red eyes home – they’re worth the time.
70)  Carpe Diem – all day, every day.
71)  Learn from previous generations every chance you get.
72)  You don’t need as much of anything as you think you do.
73)  Center yourself. Finding a balance is more important than you think.
74)  Everyone needs something to believe in.
75)  Look for inspiration in unexpected places. 
76)  Always travel with your pillow.
77)  When you feel like your head is in the clouds walk barefoot – its always good to know whether or not you’re feet are on the ground.
78)  Good news is best received when totally unexpected.
79)  Home is wherever you find it.
80)  Drink water… seriously.
81)  Secret Beauty Tip: Blow-dry your eyelash curler – it’s better than any mascara.
82)  Time is precious. Respect everyone’s – including your own.
83)  Chai tea is the secret nectar of Gods.
84)  Famous people are people too.
85)  Over appreciate the people in your life who are constantly underappreciated.
86)  The healing process is exactly what it sounds like – a process.
87)  Nothing about life is black and white – see it in color.
88)  Some music needs air, roll down the windows.
89)  No matter what the occasion, the view is always better from the high road. 
90)  Yoga by the ocean is an unparalleled peace.
91)  There is nothing wrong with being a wanderer, just be aware of the general direction in which you are headed.
92)  Sometimes, you just have to look at things… and when you do, look closely.
93)  Stop, turn around, and look at just how far you’ve come.
94)  Carry what you believe in with you wherever you go.
95)  Always stop at flea markets… its an opportunity to dig for buried treasure.
96)  Let your hair down – its okay to stop caring what you look like. 
97)  Go the scenic route at least once – it’s not always about crossing the finish line first.
98)  Have faith in something.
99)  There is never a testimony without a test – don’t lose sight of the light that is always at the end of the tunnel.

100) When bad rains down on good people, be an arc, not an anchor… the last thing anyone needs is someone else bringing them down. 

101) Wander along the path less traveled by, it really does make all the difference. 
 


A Keen Observation of the Obvious


The desert is a funny place. It is hotter than hell but quite the unexpected heavenly haven of beauty and wonder. Within only a couple of hours of being in Arizona I experienced the awe-inspiring phenomenon that is a desert storm. You know - the kind that comes out of nowhere, rages relentlessly, and somehow, through a strange turn of events, leaves everything renewed and restored – not unlike life.



I’m a wanderer at heart and I do my best to seize each and every opportunity I have to immerse myself in the newness of wherever life takes me – this was no exception. I am an observer who’s always looking for more. I suppose going to the heart of the desert was more appealing to me than it would be to some people, but I saw it as an opportunity for a journey of sorts and was thrilled to be there.

You could say I’m in Arizona with my boss ‘on business’ but I say I’m in Arizona getting a complimentary crash course in life from one of the smartest people I know. You learn a lot about people when you travel with them. You hear their stories, you share your own, and you throw some ink on the pages of new ones along the way. I am grateful for the opportunity to have spent time doing just that over the course of the past several days. She's a writer and I’m a wannabe so I’ve invested a lot of time into reading what she’s written – time that has been, without question, nothing short of well spent. Though I have many ‘favorite’ columns of hers and honestly believe they could all be bound into an overnight bestseller, “Disappointment and Magic” is today’s homerun.

The column begins like this: “I seem to spend a lot of time being disappointed. Disappointed in myself and the people around me. Disappointed in the ways of the world and the attitudes therein. Disappointed in what I have accomplished and what I have not. And so on…” And so on indeed. I am the poster child for irrational disappointment. I tend to hold people to high standards, but I hold myself to higher. Disappointment – be it in myself, in others, or to others – exists as an unforgivably crippling word in my vocabulary.

At first glance, everything in the desert looks the same, but also not unlike life, first glances are deceiving. I experienced a desert mirage for the first time the other day, and had to give pause to the wonder that couldn’t help but seep from the experience.



There has been something missing in my life. I’ve experienced, been a product of, or instigated some relatively major changes in the past year both intentionally and unexpectedly in search of that ever-present missing link. I have searched and searched and without fail always wound up empty handed and disappointed. I've looked and I've looked and I must have looked right at it, through it, up and over it, but guess what?

I found it in the desert: Freedom.



I have been a wide variety of willingly, circumstantially, hopelessly, hopefully, consciously and unconsciously tied down for as long as I can remember. I am a planner. I always have a plan. Even if the plan is to make a plan. I am a chronic list maker. If I don’t write a to-do list in the morning, you can forget about it. I am admittedly a self-imposed box dweller – never ever have I ever allowed myself the freedom to really think outside the imaginary box I’ve placed myself in – until now.

In the middle of the desert, though my feet may get burned, I am fearlessly taking a step outside the box. I am coloring outside the lines, I am embracing the freedom of possibility, and for once in my life, I’m being selfish. There, I said it – and I’ll say this too – I’m not sorry. There are too many things I haven’t done yet, too many places to go, people to meet, lessons to learn, pages to turn… Freedom is free, and I’m cashing it in - because I can, and because I need to. There is a sweet sense of liberation that comes from allowing yourself to just let things be – Paul McCartney was really onto something there.



I looked at this cactus my last morning in Arizona and spent a moment acknowledging and appreciating just how much we are the same. The desert is a place of survival, and at the end of the day, I’m a survivalist. I have no problem gritting my teeth and pushing through droughts, although I do occasionally find myself wishing it was merely water I thirst for. I will continuously wait patiently, weather the storm, find restoration in the downpour, and sustain myself until the next storm blows through without complaint or need. The odds are not often in my favor, so self-preservation is second nature. There are a lot of things about me that act as armor. I am well aware I’ve spurred people along the way - for that I am deeply sorry. But, on the days that I’m able, I really do try to branch out and give a little bit of whatever it is I have to offer this world and the people in it.

Her column closes brilliantly with this: “Sometimes flowers grow in the cracks of the sidewalk and a grain of sand becomes a pearl. Sometimes people really do “walk the talk” and care about the “greater good”. Sometimes people survive the un-survivable and conquer the un-conquerable. Sometimes the painting turns out to be a Picasso and the rock is really a diamond. Sometimes the underdog wins. As it is with many things – disappointment comes down to attitude. So every day I try to remember: hope for the best, be prepared for the worst and look for the magic.” – Stephanie Anne Koehler

I always look for inspiration in unexpected places, but this time, inspiration unexpectedly found me. To me the magic is in the mirage. What if what I’ve been looking for isn’t something that can be obtained? What if I spend my whole life so focused on the destination that I disregard the journey? Therein lies displaced disappointment. Real disappointment happens – its unavoidable - but I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to waste being unjustly disappointed. Instead, I will be a believer in the flower, the grain of sand, the rock, and the underdog - and perhaps most importantly - I will give myself the freedom to look for the magic in what's in front of me instead of being disappointed in what's not.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Are you an Ark or an Anchor?


When it rains it really does pour, and sometimes a lot of bad things happen to really good people - but no cliché can accurately describe what it’s like be in the eye of the storm while its raging. I’ve recently watched several friends endure storm after storm after earthquake after tornado after, well, you name it – it’s probably happened. Even as a mere onlooker I’m being blown away by the whiplash of impact after sudden impact and yet the grace with which these blows are being taken in stride is both dumbfounding and awe inspiring at the same time.

I have a lot of friends under black clouds right now – loss, uncertainty, injury, betrayal, sickness, and disappointment are plaguing way too many of the people I care about. Practically, logistically, and morally it has been easy to the point of being involuntary to push back against the wrecking balls that have been swinging violently in my par view. In doing so, I’ve gotten a lot of the “I’m sorry to ask you this, but…” or “I know you’re busy but…” or “I’m so sorry – I know this puts so much on you…” or “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver” or “You’re a saint”. No I’m really not… in fact, no to all of the above. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that my friends are appreciative – but it actually strikes me as alarming - since when are such basic acts of human compassion perceived as acts of valor?

 As a society, have we fundamentally become so far removed from the “do unto others” mentality that it’s now considered an incredible act of kindness to actually come through for people? That’s incredulous. I really did seriously contemplate the opening of this can of worms, but decided after investing over twenty years into the art of saying exactly what I think, its not worth employing the filter now. I have always been of the 'pay it forward' school of thought – you do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, for all the people you can, for as long as you can. Period.  Why wouldn’t you? Because its not convenient, because there’s nothing in it for you, or because you're just too busy? Shame on you…

I have both weathered and witnessed many a rainy season in my almost twenty-two years of living, and for every monsoon, I can think of two kinds of people: the ones who built the arks, and the ones who dropped the anchors. The ark builders are the ones who see the red sky in the morning, have an ark built by high noon, and are dragging you onto it come hell and high water. The anchor droppers are the ones who see the same sky, run for the hills, and drop their anchor – pleading themselves as a source of stability from a distance, but never gaining enough mobility to come through for you: AKA the textbook fair weather friend. I’ll tell you a little secret – 90% of my ark builders have no idea that their support was an ark in a flood of biblical proportions – but you can bet your bottom dollar I’d do the exact same for them on any given day without giving a moments pause to consider the storm I’ve just decided to weather. Maybe that makes me crazy and irrational, but I’ll take that over the shallow apathetic alternative.

It all comes back to how your treat people. I have seen marriages fail, friendships destroyed, love lost, and reconciliation denied all because self-absorption and complacency takes precedent over basic human compassion. You take care of the people who take care of you… Perhaps that is the point at which grace abounds.

So when the monsoon comes, which are you – the ark or the anchor? 


To all of my ark builders, thank you… and to my anchor droppers, thank you too – you’ve taught me twice the lesson.

Love fearlessly.
241

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Apocalyptic Revelations


So, just in case you haven’t been in tune to the greater portion of the east coast – we have endured an apocalypse of sorts. A Derecho storm ripped and roared through here on Friday night, rivaling the tornado producing storms I used to only encounter living in Oklahoma, and leaving comparable damage in its wake. So much so that walking out the front door of my house the next morning – one of the only few with power in the entire Commonwealth – was like a bad combination of “Twister” and “After the Storm.” News stations reported the storm as “the most damaging storm in Virginia history.” You don’t say…





The day after was a day like any other – the sun came up, people had to go to work, cars were on the road, and a weekend full of weddings was upon us. My friend was one of the lucky ones getting married the day after the apocalypse. Little did any of us know, there was no power at the venue. That little detail seemed to escape the list of important things to tell the bride. Oops. Moving on – through an act of God himself and a hard working staff, the venue was beautified by the time we arrived, and despite no running water or electricity of any kind, we were off to a good start. Heading down the road to get the bride ready and what do we see? None other than a car EXPLODING into the air on the side of the road. No lie. Dodged that bullet. I forgot to mention the record-breaking heat wave we were encountering simultaneously with the storm. I am beginning to think the Mayans are onto something - it was literally so hot I saw the devil seeking shade. But, let me tell you what - for no power, no prior natural disaster back up plan, and with absolutely no warning - that wedding was absolutely breathtaking. I mean, would you look at that picture? Just look at it. No one would know it was no less than 100 degrees outside. I wish this beautiful couple all of the endless happiness they deserve - Mother Nature ain't got a thing on their wedding day.



So, while the world was busy surviving the apocalypse, I was encountering one of my own. The kind that build up inside when you let something fester, or when you’re about to make a potentially life altering decision. My dilemma was the latter. You see, I took this job working as a Public Relations associate at SAKinterMedia in April. I knew I would like it, but I have actually found myself hopelessly in love with this type of work. Let me preface the eye of the storm by saying I am about to be a senior Music Education major who has devoted the last 3.5 years of my life pursuing an education that prepares me for what has now been an 8 year burning desire to teach music… And guess what I don’t see myself doing anymore – teaching music. Therein lies the problem.

This personal apocalypse lies in the current war within myself to pursue a Masters in Education. I have sold my soul to grad school this summer to get ahead on my degree so that I am free to travel next summer. In doing so, I’ve sort of hit the career decision accelerator. I have to be pretty committed to being a teacher to purse a Masters in Education – the problem is, I’m not. Don’t get me wrong – I LOVE teaching music, always have, always will – but I think I falsified an illusion that teaching full time would be comparable to what I do in the summer when I teach leadership camps and band camps.

The intensive week-long camps where you get the kids at square one and by the time they go home they’re leaving with a sense of accomplishment, empowerment, and enthusiasm is where it’s at for me. I have always had a passion for those kinds of intense bursts of instilling positivity and cultivating change. I am a chronic people pleaser: I motivate others, I am constantly seeking new sources of inspiration, I strive to enable the dreams of others, and I experience success of my friends, family, and co-workers as equal to my own, if not greater. I am a people person – period.

I think my biggest fear in life is a 9-5 cubicle job. I am simply not cut out for it. I have nothing against those kinds of jobs, but personally, I’d be miserable. I am a creative person by nature; I am a seeker of solutions and a defiant of the impossible. I take it personally when people tell me something cannot be done. I need to be in an environment where I can apply creativity, work with people, and contribute positively to the world around me. I believe I have convinced myself that teaching music was the only way to ensure I could really do that – until now.

When I started this job in Public Relations I was handed a book called Idea-Links: The New Creativity by Jim Link. I read it, and it rocked my world. That book single-handedly instigated a complete metamorphosis of the way in which I experience life. The author talks about how every experience is a lesson, each relationship is a network, and that the secret behind every success is an Idea-Link. For clarification here is his definition: Idea-Link: (noun) a succinct insight or realization about why or how something works or succeeds that is stored into memory. He breaks creativity out of the confines of stereotypes and shows you, through experience and practical application, that successful creativity is achievable in any capacity. I salute you, Jim Link, that was news to me. 



Post reading the book I have consciously and perpetually logged all of my experiences since starting this job and have been absolutely stunned by the inter-connectivity of all of the things I love to do. Everything can work together: writing, music, photography, graphic design, networking, interacting with countless incredible people – it ALL links together. Music will always be a huge part of my life – it just might not BE my life in the way I have anticipated… and as foreign as that is to admit, I’m okay with it.

I am beyond over school, but I am committed to setting myself up with my best foot forward. Finishing a Masters in Education is not wasted time even though it feels like it – in fact I bet you I’ll have my own book of Idea-Links by the time I’m done. Every experience is connected, and I might have found my calling too little too late in the degree seeking world, but better late than never. It’s a good place to be when you have to pick between things that you love – I’m simply trading an old dream for a new one.

As for the revelations part of this - I said at the beginning of the year that I was setting out on a truth-seeking journey, externally and internally, called the Physics of the Quest – and I have. If you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you – and it has not.

This “truth” is perhaps a revelation of apocalyptic proportions in the small picture, but I can’t help but feel a sense of liberation because the big picture has such unprecedented potential. I have the best job in the universe with the most incredible people I could ever imagine working with and simply could not have asked for a better introduction into a field I think it’s now safe to call a new career path. This is not a door closed – it is a door opened, and I am beyond thrilled by the endless opportunities at every turn. The only things worth regretting in life are the chances you didn’t take – this isn’t going to be one that falls through the cracks. I fully believe in seizing opportunities when they present themselves – I have found a passion that I never saw coming and I intend to dive into pursuing it headfirst. If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten. On this Independence Day I am exercising the freedom I have to change my mind. Carpe Diem.

Live fearlessly.
241

Monday, May 21, 2012

It's About Never Giving Up

"Sometimes you gotta lose to win, you gotta never give up, and never give in." -Emmanuel Jal

There are always moments in life that will bring you to your knees. You know, the “come to Jesus”-“rock bottom”-“hell froze over” kinds of moments that end up defining you whether you like it or not. But what isn’t always the case, is having someone who will reach into the snake pit you’ve found yourself in to pull you up. To be brave enough to extend a hand into that kind of circumstance takes a special breed of courage and determination, with a side of fearless stupidity. While I’ve been lucky enough to have a monopoly on people who are willing to do such things, I’m going to focus, mostly, on just one.

An excerpt from a poem I wrote serves as an appropriate preface:

The cuts will heal and fade with time,
But there will always be the scars,
To remind me of what happened
To the life that once was ours.

Looking in the mirror seven years from then,
At the fighter I’ve become,
I wonder how I ever even fought the war
I never should have won.

Once upon seven years ago,
A stranger passed me by,
Once upon seven years ago,
That stranger saved my life.

Indeed he did. That stranger, turned saving grace, taught me one of the best lessons I’ve ever had the privilege of learning: the importance of never giving up. Perhaps, even more meaningful than that was the underlying importance of being willing to reach out to others in that capacity – like he did for me. In other words – to pay it forward. I was on the fast track to nowhere 7 years ago, but in one conversation, everything changed. In one conversation, I learned about the value of empathy, the spark that ignites authentic compassion, and the importance of giving back instead of giving up. I am fortunate to have received that gift when I did... what could have been a negatively life altering defining moment was pushed, molded, framed, and conjured into something positive and sustaining. Because of that, and also in part because I cant actually express to him my deepest gratitude in person, I have committed myself to never giving up on myself or anyone else.


It is true that giving up is the easiest thing in the world to do, but I have found myself surrounded by people who understand what it takes to hold it together - and do so - when everyone else would get it if they fell apart.. now, that’s true strength. Today, on the seventh year anniversary of when this world lost a great man and I lost a hero, I remember with heartfelt gratitude that the journey does not end there. Legacies don’t die with the dead unless you let them… in the same respect, they don’t stay alive unless you perpetuate them. I am so lucky to have found myself at a place in my life where I can look back on the past and be so grateful, even for what I've lost, while at the same time looking forward with pride, purpose, and passion for perpetuating the legacies I am fortunate enough to know. 
 

To Dennis Gryder, who made me promise never to give up - seven years later, I’m still fighting like crazy… Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger cause I know I have to. Thanks for that. To my grandmother, Marlene Schneider, who I cannot believe has been gone from this earth for nearly a year - I miss you like crazy, but I’m still doing everything I can to keep my heart open… I hope that you’re proud of who and what I’ve let in. And to Morgan Harrington, whose legacy is newest to the list of lives that have changed mine, it is a privilege to have the chance to pay it forward in your honor - we would have been great friends... We are doing everything we can to do you justice and to find it at the same time. 


Seven years have gone by entirely too undetected… I have no conceptual understanding of how time has passed so quickly. A wise person once told me you never know what life is going to give to you, but more importantly, you never know what might be taken away - so don't take anything for granted.  If I die young - not to dwell, or suggest, but rather, to be a realist - I want to know I used every single nano-second I was given. The fact of the matter is we are ALL terminal and what we do with the time we're given  determines our legacy. I'll probably never hold the brush that paints a masterpiece, and I'll probably never find a pen that writes a symphony, but if I will love than I will find that I have touched another life - just as others have done for me - and that's something worth leaving behind. So, to the friends and family who I am humbled by and grateful daily to still have by my side – don't you ever give up. I know the value of an unexpected extended hand, and you can bet your heart and soul I’ll dive head first into a snake pit any day for every single one of you. 

Cheers to stupidity: life is way too damn short to be anything but fearless.  241